Dear Coleen

I’M HAVING SEX WITH MY MATE’S SON

I’m a gay man in my mid 40s who came out a little while ago. All my family and friends have been very supportive and I’ve been enjoying being out, but hadn’t found anyone I wanted to settle down with. That has changed recently, but there’s just one problem – the guy in question is my best friend’s 20-year-old son.

I was bored one night, so signed up for a gay dating site. Looking through my emails the next night I got the shock of my life to see one from my friend’s son.

He wanted to come over and an hour later we were having sex. We then started meeting up. I really want to take things to the next level with him and think he feels the same, but obviously no one knows about us. Am I a fool for thinking it could work?

Coleen says

I think it’s a big problem and that you’d be foolish to think you could date without any repercussions. You’re both adults and free to make your own decisions, but I don’t think your friend would be OK with it.

As a parent myself, I think your friend’s problem would be that you’d known his son since he was a child and it feels like you’re jumping over a boundary that most people would respect.

I know I’d probably think, “How long have you liked my son?”

There are plenty of guys out there looking for a relationship and this feels too close to home – why get into something so complicated that could ruin other friendships and relationships?

I think you have to be the grown up here and say that you had a great time, but an ongoing serious relationship could potentially cause many problems.