Dear Coleen

HE CAN’T BLAME WORK FOR SEX DROUGHT

My husband used to blame being “tired from work” for the lack of passion in our sex life, or the lack of sex full stop.

We’re only in our mid-30s and don’t have kids, so he should be able to find the energy.

Now we’re on lockdown, he has no excuse about working late or the stressful commute and so on, but he’s still never in the mood to make love.

I feel really hurt by this, but he never offers an explanation.

I feel it’s now or never to save our marriage. Any ideas?

Coleen says

I think getting your sex life back on track can come down to simply creating the opportunity – literally scheduling time to be together when your lives are incredibly busy.

You might be at home all the time right now without the distractions of work and commuting, but have you actually made time to create an intimate setting or are you still stuck in those bad habits? Now is a good opportunity to talk (away from the bedroom) about how each of you is feeling about the relationship and what it’s lacking. It sounds like there’s resentment there that needs to be talked about.

If it’s just a question of shaking yourselves out of a rut, then you have to make the effort to create the right environment – agree on a time to be together without any distractions, cook a lovely meal together, watch a movie, do something nice for each other.

It doesn’t always have to lead to sex, but you will start to rebuild intimacy and that in turn could reignite the passion.

If you don’t think you can manage this on your own, but he’s willing to try, you could seek psychosexual counselling online.