I offended a straight friend by making a move on her

Dear Coleen

I’m a 21-year-old girl and I’ve known for most of my life that I’m gay. I was never attracted to boys at school, but I have managed to keep my sexuality hidden from most people for years, although a few close friends know.

A couple of months ago, I made a move on my friend at work, even though I know she’s straight. I admitted how I felt about her and said I didn’t expect her to feel the same way about me, but it didn’t end well.

She was shocked and angry, and things have been awkward since, although we have been chatting over social media a bit recently. She’s not homophobic or anything, I think she just thought I’d crossed a line and that my confession had ruined our friendship.

My other problem is that my parents are pretty conservative and I’m worried about coming out to them. They don’t know anyone who’s gay and I don’t think they have a clue that I am!

I seem to be making the wrong decisions all the time lately. Should I tell my parents? I want to.

And can things go back to normal with my friend at work?

Coleen says

It’s tough when we really like someone and they don’t feel the same way – I’m sure we’ve all been there at some point in our lives. I know I have. At least you know now that there’s no chance of a romantic and sexual relationship with your friend, so you can move on. And, when you do meet a woman who loves you back, it’ll be great and you’ll put this awkward situation with your friend down to experience.

It’s good you’ve reconnected with her online and I absolutely think you can still be friends, as long as it doesn’t stop you getting out there and meeting people you could date. Now you’ve both had time away from work to process it, I’m sure you can make a fresh start when you next see each other.

As for your family, maybe you’re not giving them enough credit. They might suspect you’re gay, but don’t feel it’s their place to bring it up. Maybe they’re waiting for you to say something. And they might be conservative, but it doesn’t mean they won’t accept you, they’ll just want you to be happy.

I’d recommend visiting fflag.org.uk, an organisation that supports parents with lesbian, gay and bisexual children. It provides lots of good advice and info online, which you can download.

Come out when you feel ready and then lean on your friends for support.

I want to tell parents I’m gay but it scares me