Dear Coleen

MUM WON’T LET ME SEE MY DAD AFTER BREAK-UP

I’m a 17-year-old girl and live with my mum. She divorced my dad when I was only two years old and met another man who she married. He basically helped raise me and he’s been another dad to me for 15 years. I love him like my own father.

However, a few months before lockdown, my mum and stepdad broke up. Sadly, she found out he was seeing another woman. I was heartbroken and she was devastated, and also very angry.

She doesn’t want me to see him after lockdown and just the mention of his name makes her mad. I really miss him though, and we have been messaging, but it’s not the same as seeing each other in person.

What do you suggest?

Coleen says

It sounds as if the betrayal is still very raw for your mum and she’s probably preoccupied with how she feels. It’s good that you’re talking to your stepdad – that’s a start and at least you’re still maintaining your relationship, albeit remotely.

It might help to acknowledge your mum’s feelings. Tell her you understand why she’s angry and you’re not condoning your stepdad’s behaviour, but you love him and want to see him at some point. There’s obviously a limit to how we can socialise at the moment, but maybe you could suggest a socially distanced walk or picnic.

If you really don’t feel your mum is ready to hear this, then I wonder if there’s another family member you could confide in. It’ll help just to talk about it.

Maybe a relative would also be willing to intervene on your behalf and talk to your mum.

Hopefully, in time, she’ll realise it’s a good thing for you to see your stepdad and that it’s not fair of her to keep you apart.