Dear Coleen

HE REFUSES TO HELP ME RAISE OUR SON

My husband and I have been together for eight years and married for six. We tried for nearly five years to have a baby before our son arrived last year. It felt like a miracle and I’m grateful for him every day.

After being through the stress of trying to start a family, I really thought our son would bring us closer, but it’s done the opposite.

My husband just works all the time and doesn’t take an active role in looking after the baby, which leaves me feeling like a single parent. I’ve threatened to move in with my parents, so they can help, but nothing changes.

Can you help?

Coleen says

Here’s the thing, even if you’ve been desperate for a child, when a baby comes along, it inevitably has an impact on your relationship and it takes some time to adjust.

When you become parents, you find out things about each other that you didn’t know before. You need to find your new roles as parents while coping with tiredness and the fact there’s suddenly hardly any time for you as a couple. It’s a big shift in lifestyle.

Maybe becoming a dad isn’t what he expected. Maybe he’s feeling a bit left out.

You need to have a proper discussion – without arguing – and listen to what the other has to say. How can you help each other and achieve more of a balance when it comes to caring for the baby?

If you get the chance in the next few weeks for grandparents to step in with childcare, take it and use the time to try to reconnect with each other.

It’s very easy to lose sight of the fact you’re still a couple when a child comes along.

Good luck.