Dear Coleen

I’M GAY BUT I DON’T WANT TO HURT HER

I’m a 19-year-old guy and have been with my girlfriend for about a year. We’re brilliant mates, but I’ve found myself thinking more and more about a male friend, and I think I’m in love with him.

I dream about kissing him and more, but I feel bad about what admitting this will do to my girlfriend.

When we first started dating, my mum and my auntie had a heart-to-heart with me and told me they assumed I was gay, and not to feel pressured into dating girls because that’s what I thought I should do.

To be honest, at the time I wasn’t sure about my sexuality, and I told them I wasn’t going to define myself as straight or gay, so they just left it.

Now I feel differently and I know I want to be with men. What should I do?

Coleen says

You know what you have to do – you have to end it with your girlfriend. If you’re not ready or don’t want to tell her about your sexuality, then don’t, but don’t lead her on.

And you owe it to yourself to live your life freely and honestly – I don’t think you want to sneak around behind people’s backs.

I think it’s wonderful your mum and your auntie reached out to you – they were letting you know that it’s OK to be true to yourself and that they’ll support you.

Many young people coming out worry they won’t be supported, so you’re in a great position because you know you have a secure base that’ll always be there to come back to.

It’s never easy telling someone you care about that it’s over, but it’s the right thing to do and it’s best for both of you.

Good luck.