Dear Coleen

MY OLDER PARTNER HAS SUDDENLY AGED

I’m a woman in my 30s and I have a much older partner who’s 63.

When we started seeing each other he was in his early 50s, he was very fit, handsome and extremely dynamic.

The years haven’t been kind to him, though. When he retired early from a good job he just kind of gave up on himself.

Now the age gap feels very big – I feel like I’m dating an old man.

He’s given up the sport he used to love playing and just sits on a computer most of the day or sees his friends for a pint.

We’re worlds apart and it’s just not working any more. We don’t share kids either, so there’s really nothing keeping us together.

He still wants to be intimate, but physically he turns me off. I know this sounds awful and heartless, but it’s truthful. I’d love your opinion.

Coleen says

You’re still so young, full of life and looking to the future, and the reality is he probably does want to enjoy doing nothing if he’s worked hard all his life. He’s probably ready to take it easy, but you’re not. I think you’ve had a glimpse into what the future could hold – caring for a much older partner.

Maybe this relationship has come to its natural end – if the physical attraction has gone and you have little else in common, then it’s a tough one.

But please give him the chance to talk about it. It’ll be hard for him and you’ll feel bad, too, even if it’s the right decision.

I think this scenario is common in age-gap relationships.

It happened to friends of mine, who were happily married for years, but the relationship suddenly stopped working when she was in her 40s and he was in his 60s.

But talk about it with your partner – and be kind.