HE LOVES SEX BUT WILL HE EVER LOVE ME?

Dear Coleen

I got divorced three years ago and after several bad dates, I ended up seeing a man from work who already has a girlfriend.

I’m 42 with two children aged 10 and 14, and he’s 48 with three children from a previous marriage.

He’s lived with the woman he left his wife for for the last five years.

After flirting at various work drinks, he made it clear he fancied me and we began an affair 10 months ago. I kept telling myself it was just a fling, but I started to develop feelings for him and now I think I’m in love with him.

However, he’s never told me he loves me and he’s never mentioned leaving his girlfriend. But surely he must have feelings for me?

Do you think he will eventually leave her for me? And if he does, do you think I can trust him not to do to me what he’s doing to her?

Coleen says

If you want my honest answer, he’s having his cake and eating it. The sex is probably great because it’s all exciting and forbidden.

But is he going to leave this woman for you? No. He hasn’t told you he loves you, he hasn’t talked about leaving her.

Men rarely leave their wives or girlfriends for an affair, and when they do, they make that known to the new girlfriend pretty early on.

But this guy has given you no indication he sees this as anything other than a fling. I’m sorry to be blunt, but that’s the way it is.

And how do you know you’re the only one? He could have a string of women like you. Taking your feelings for him out of this for a moment, why on earth would you want to be with somebody who is cheating on his girlfriend?

You’re wasting your time. And you’re missing out on meeting somebody really nice who wouldn’t treat you like this.