MUM HAD AFFAIR AND I AM SHOCKED

Dear Coleen

My mum died at the start of this year and I’ve been clearing her house on and off ever since. I came across a letter that seemed to imply she’d had an affair with a very good family friend.

When I asked my mum’s older sister about it, she confirmed that it was true and that several family members had known about it.

My parents never had a happy marriage. My dad himself had lots of affairs, he drank too much, and he wasn’t around much for my mum or my brother and I.

He died five years ago due to complications from heavy drinking.

I don’t blame my mum for having an affair, but I still feel betrayed that she never told me.

We lived 10 minutes away from each other and we were round each other’s houses every day. We were as close as a mum and daughter can be, and I feel strangely hurt. I can’t get what’s happened out of my head.

Coleen says

You have to get over it and remember your mum for the person she was to you. Instead of being hurt that she didn’t tell you, you should feel flattered that she wanted to protect you, not ruin your relationship, nor potentially put you in an awkward position with your dad when he was alive.

It’s a shame you found that letter because your mum clearly didn’t want you to know about her affair. But if it were me, I’d be glad that she had somebody who made her happy.

It sounds like she probably had a shockingly unhappy marriage, so while I don’t condone affairs, I do understand why they happen sometimes.

Our parents are just people, after all, and people have affairs and make mistakes.

So just remember your mum for the fantastic woman she was. And remember, she wasn’t hiding anything from you – she was just trying to protect you.