I want to dump him but it will break my sons’ hearts

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with someone for nearly two years and, if I’m honest, when we got together I was on the rebound from a long- term relationship that ended badly. I also have two sons, aged six and nine, and I suppose having a boyfriend gave me a break from always feeling like a mum.

My boyfriend isn’t my usual type at all – in looks or personality – but the sex is incredible. He’s without doubt the best lover I’ve ever had and I kept going back for more, even though I never took the relationship seriously. I think I got addicted to the physical side.

However, he’s now pressuring me to move our relationship on but I’ve never seen us having a future together. I like his company and I love having sex with him, but I don’t want to live with him or get married to him.

I feel guilty for using him like this, but now I have to make decisions because he wants us to move in together next year.

The other issue is, my sons have got to know him quite well and adore him, and it’ll break their hearts if he’s not in their lives.

How do I solve this situation? I feel like such a horrible person.

Coleen says

Ouch! You don’t say if you’ve ever told him how you view the relationship, but I’m guessing not.

I think you have to accept that he’s going to be hurt and probably angry with you for not being honest with him from the start but, if you want to end the relationship, then I’d urge you to do it sooner rather than later or he’ll end up even more devastated.

Don’t keep things going until another guy catches your eye – that’s not fair. He deserves the right to get on with his life and plan his future.

As for your sons, I’m sure they will be upset initially, but you can’t stay with someone for their sake. Kids of that age are quite good at moving on, but you have to explain it to them.

It shouldn’t be a situation where your boyfriend just disappears one day and they’re left wondering what happened to him or even if they were responsible.

Finally, don’t get too hung up on ‘type’. If you’re trying to find someone who fits a cookie-cutter mould of the perfect partner, I think you’ll have a long wait ahead of you.

I kept going back for great sex but now I feel so guilty