WHY DOES DAUGHTER SEEM TO HATE ME?

Dear Coleen

I’m a married woman aged 38 and I have two children – a boy who is seven and a girl who’s four. My problem is, my daughter behaves as if she hates me most of the time, which is upsetting and also embarrassing.

If we’re in a shop or at the park, she’ll shout and scream at me and say very rude things, such as calling me a fat pig if she doesn’t get what she wants.

At home, she’s the same and wants her dad to do everything for her – he can do no wrong! She’s quite sweet at bedtime and usually wants me to tuck her in and read her a story, but the rest of the time she’s a horror.

She started school in September, so I don’t know if that has anything to do with it. I don’t know where I’m going wrong with her because my son is such a sweet-natured boy and has never challenged me like this.

Any ideas?

Coleen says

It’s probably a phase. Children often go through stages of preferring one parent to the other. Perhaps when she’s calm and being sweet at bedtime, you can talk to her about her behaviour and ask why she’s so angry and rude to you. This is often the time when children are more willing to talk and share their worries.

Also, I think it’s important that your hubby backs you up when she’s being rude to you, so she’s left in no doubt that her behaviour is unacceptable. And come up with some consequences for bad behaviour, such as removing a favourite toy.

It’s worth checking with her teacher to find out what her behaviour is like at school and how she’s getting on with the other children.

I also don’t think it’s helpful to compare her to your son – you have to adjust your parenting style to accommodate their different personalities.