HE STILL WON’T COMMIT AFTER 20 YEARS

Dear Coleen

My partner and I have been together for 20 years this month. I thought it was the perfect anniversary to suggest (again) that we get married. We have three children, a house and two dogs together, yet he still won’t put a ring on my finger.

I asked him at New Year and he just said, “Oh, God, not this again! We’re perfectly happy as we are” and wouldn’t talk about it. He’s so unromantic and it makes me feel sad that he won’t commit to me. What do you think?

Coleen says

Well, he has made commitments to you – you’ve been together 20 years and have children. Some people get married and have a big expensive wedding and get divorced two years later. It’s what you have together that counts and what you’ve built together over the years.

The fact is, forcing him to tie the knot isn’t going to make you feel good. If you get married, it should be because it’s what he wants, too.

I understand it’s important to you, so all you can do is try to have a calm conversation about why, and encourage him to be honest about why he’s so against it – what is it that he objects to? Is it the expense, the fanfare, the institution itself?

Whatever his reasons for avoiding marriage, I think it would be a shame if arguing over it damaged your relationship and spoiled everything you’ve built together.