I’m so lonely but feel guilty for wanting a new partner
Dear Coleen
I’m a single woman aged 29 and have a two-year-old daughter who I adore. Her father left me not long after I discovered I was pregnant. At the time I was heartbroken and also terrified about how I’d cope on my own, even though I have a supportive family and friends.
At the time, the split was acrimonious, but things have settled down and my ex sees our daughter and is actually a good father.
My problem now is that I feel very lonely, especially at the moment when we’re all locked down. I’m desperate to meet a partner – I feel ready – but I don’t know how or where to start, and I’m not sure I’d be an attractive proposition with a two-year-old child in tow.
I also feel guilty for feeling like something is missing in my life because my daughter is wonderful and is my entire world. But I’m sick of having no grown-up company and sitting on my own at night when she’s in bed.
I know this problem might seem trivial with everything else going on at the moment, but I’d love your opinion.
Coleen says
I don’t think it’s trivial at all, especially at the moment – loneliness is a huge issue for people during lockdown.
You can love your daughter and be dedicated to her care, but still need adult company. There’s nothing shameful in admitting that. You can’t meet up with dates right now, but why not give online dating a go? You can get to know some people and chat to them and, even if it’s nothing more than that, it’ll help you get through the winter nights in lockdown.
It’s also easy to see what people are looking for online, so you can avoid the ones you don’t feel are a good fit. You can add information like you have a child or that you’re separated or divorced, and also what you’re looking for, so they know what to expect.
I can tell you from experience that it’s great fun and I’ve enjoyed those flirty conversations – I’ve even got my sisters to sign up. It’s really nice to feel that people are interested in you and that you’re desired.
Yes, there are a few oddballs, but you can just swipe left or indicate that you don’t want to hear from that person again. You might even meet someone who’ll turn out to be really special.
I’m sick of being on my own while she’s in bed