Dear Coleen

DESPERATE TO MARRY GIRL OF MY DREAMS

I’m a man in my thirties and I’ve been seeing the woman of my dreams for 18 months. She’s perfect for me in every way.

I was married before and it ended badly because my ex had an affair and left me. I was crushed by it and it took me a long time to get over.

Now I feel desperate to marry my girlfriend and all I think about is proposing to her and how I’ll do it. However, I’d describe her as a “free spirit” and we’ve never talked about marriage. She also had a bad long-term relationship prior to me, which she said almost put her off men for life, so I don’t feel confident she’ll want to be tied down at the moment.

It’s also been weird over the past year because we don’t live together, so our relationship has been stop-start, thanks to the lockdowns. Can you help?

Coleen says

I’ll be honest, I don’t think desperation is that attractive. And I think you need to ask yourself why a marriage certificate is so important to you, and it probably goes back to the failure of your last marriage.

Also, here’s the thing, marriage doesn’t guarantee a happy ever after or that your partner won’t cheat on you or fall out of love with you. Any relationship – married or not – is a journey and it’s affected by all the situations and challenges that life throws up.

You could start introducing the subject of marriage to get an idea of how she feels.

But as this past year has been difficult and you’re not sure of her feelings, I wonder if it makes sense to give it some time until life – and your relationship – gets back to some kind of normality.

Also, you’re still a young guy and there’s no need to rush – if you love each other and you’re meant to be together then it’ll happen for you.