HE’S SAID NO TO MARRIAGE AND BABIES

Dear Coleen

I’m a 28-year-old woman and live with my boyfriend, who’s 29. I’m completely head over heels in love with him – he ticks all the boxes. We’re best mates, we have great sex and love doing the same things.

However, he’s told me from the start that he’s never been interested in getting married or in having kids.

When we met a couple of years ago, this didn’t seem to be that much of an issue because I wasn’t even thinking about that stuff. However, I’m not sure if I’m selling myself short by going along with it and not questioning it.

My best friend thinks I’ll end up regretting it.

The truth is, I might not want those things either, but right now I don’t know. Can you help?

Coleen says

I think you should have the opportunity to think about and make your own choices, and not simply go along with what he wants. Maybe you’re not sure you want those things yet – but you might in the future and your boyfriend needs to know that.

Yes, he’s been upfront with you and I respect his honesty, but you have to be honest with him, too, and talk about where that leaves the relationship.

Is he closing the door on those things completely or is he open to them in the future?

You say he ticks all the boxes, but does he? Surely, listening to what you want or what you might want in the future is important to you?

I think the baby conversation is crucial – I know couples who haven’t had this discussion and have split up after years together because one wants a family and the other doesn’t. Or they’ve let the decision drift for years and left it too late.

If you’re best mates you should be able to explain to him how you feel – that you’re not sure you’re ready at 28 to close the door on the possibility of marriage or babies.