Dear Coleen

SELFISH FRIEND NEVER ASKS ABOUT ME

I am not sure what to do about my friend of over

20 years. She means well, but whenever I chat to her all she talks about is herself.

She’s in an unhappy second marriage, and they have money problems. So I understand she has a lot going on and she needs to vent. But she never asks a single question about me.

She just goes on and on about her own problems. I’m also having trouble with my teenage daughter, but whenever I try to bring it up she makes a general comment like: “What will be will be”. And then she’ll change the subject back to herself and her own problems.

I don’t want to be unkind as I think she is just unhappy and needs a friend to listen to her. But how can I make her see that I want to talk about my stuff too?

Coleen says

I call people like your friend “emotional vampires” because they suck the life out of you. I have got friends like that. The phone goes and you think: “Oh no, I’ve got an hour of listening ahead of me!”

But sometimes after I speak to my friends like this, I come away feeling better because my problems don’t seem so bad after all.

It sounds as if she’s going through a hard time at the moment, so perhaps the kindest thing you can do is just listen.

I used to offload on to my daughter about my second marriage and one day she said: “Mum, I’ve been listening to you going on about this for two years. So either leave him, or shut up about it.”

I went to bed that night and decided to split up.

So do be honest with your friend if you think that it will help her.