I’M A MUM WITH NO LIFE OF MY OWN

Dear Coleen

I used to have a job in marketing that I absolutely loved. But after I got married and had my first child I became resigned to be a stay-athome mum.

I’ve since had another son, who has autism and has quite a lot of special needs. Along the way I feel like I’ve got lost.

I love my children, and my husband, but I’m only in my early 40s and I feel as if my life is just focused on them and I have nothing for myself.

Because of my son’s autism, life at home can be quite stressful, my husband and I bicker constantly, and he rarely wants sex. I’ve been on antidepressants for two years, but what I would really like to do is find myself a part-time job or perhaps even set up my own business, working around my children. However, my husband thinks I need to be around to focus on the boys.

I feel so down. Please help.

Coleen says

I think a part-time job would massively help, especially now the kids are back at school.

I know your son is autistic, but that doesn’t mean you don’t matter. Think of the aeroplane analogy – you need to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others. So sit down with your husband and speak about all this properly.

And don’t be scared to ask others for help, like friends and family. Could somebody take the boys for the night to give you a break occasionally?

Contact an autism charity, such as the National Autistic Society (autism.org.uk), to see what advice they have.

Groups like this are not just about helping the person with autism, but those caring for them too.

The best thing I ever did when my boys were small was get a little part-time job. It really helped my self-esteem. I made new friends, and felt like I wasn’t ‘just a mum’ all day, every day.