BRAND IT LIKE BECKHAM

David Beckham is launching a new career as a TV producer with his company Studio 99 making a “definitive” biopic about his career and family life. “Now is the right time to tell this story, hopefully in a way no one has ever heard,” he says.

Which translates as “Nobody gives a toss about the Beckham brand any more so my wife has made me regurgitate our banal story with some shots of free-kicks I once scored before running to the cameras to show off my latest haircut.”

Kudos to him anyhow. It takes a breathtaking level of narcissism to launch a film company and make the first subject yourself.