Is it wrong for me to want to dress up as a woman?
Dear Coleen
I’m a 71-year-old man and I kept a secret from my mum and sister all my life and now they’ve both passed away so I’ll never be able to share it.
I’ve always wanted to be a woman and took every chance I got
– when my mother and sister were out – to put on my mother’s dresses and my sister’s underwear, then
I’d throw them in the washing machine before they got home.
I have opened up to my closest friends – both of them women – and they’ve been very supportive, helping me to buy female clothes. I also have wigs and I’ve even found a place to buy shoes that fit.
Now my mum and sister have passed on, can I live as Katherine? I worry that I’d never be accepted wearing a dress where I live, so perhaps the only thing I can do is keep Katherine to my flat?
All my life I’ve felt I should have been born a girl – I just feel myself when I’m dressed as a woman.
What I want to know is, is it wrong for me to feel this way?
I would love your advice.
Coleen says
No, it’s not wrong for you to feel this way. Dressing as a woman brings you comfort and/or pleasure, it enables you to truly feel yourself and there’s nothing wrong in that. So I think you should stop giving yourself a hard time.
I think you should also stop feeling guilty about keeping the secret from your mum and sister. Perhaps on one level you wanted to protect them from worry or judgment, but the most important thing is that you don’t feel ashamed.
Cross-dressing is more common than you might imagine. I get lots of letters on this subject – some from men who do it openly and others who do it in private.
Whether you decide to take Katherine out is a personal choice, but I think it would really help if you could connect with other likeminded people, so you don’t feel isolated or as if what you’re doing is unacceptable.
The Beaumont Society is a good place to start (beaumontsociety.org. uk). It offers support to the transgender community – from cross-dressers to post-surgery transsexuals. It sounds as if you have a couple of good friends, so keep letting them help you.
All my life I’ve felt I should have been born a girl