EX IS WITH MY FRIEND AND I’M HEARTBROKEN

Dear Coleen

I’m a single woman in my 30s and recently heard through the grapevine that my ex-fiancé and one of my friends had got together, bought a home and are now expecting a baby.

I split from my ex two and a half years ago and it was hard at the time. We’d been together for many years and I thought we’d be together forever, but then things just fizzled out between us.

We stopped contacting each other because I couldn’t handle hearing from him and I was doing OK, but now this has triggered all those old feelings and I’m so down about it I cry all the time.

My friend has sent me a few messages, reaching out, but I’ve ignored them. Can you help?

Coleen says

I’ve seen many couples over the years who’ve felt stuck in longterm relationships and then one of them has moved on quite quickly with someone else and done everything – babies, marriage, house buying and so on. Of course this can be very triggering if you wanted to do all those things with your ex and never managed it.

You’re mourning this relationship all over again. Yes, it’s going to hurt for a while, but don’t be afraid to admit how you feel to your friends and ask for support.

On a practical level, filling your life with people and distractions can help to take you out of your own head, stop you overthinking and enable you to move on.

As for this friend who’s now with your ex, I don’t know how close you were, but there’s a chance it might actually help you to move on if you talk to her.

She obviously realises this might be hard for you and is trying to show empathy.