I feel so guilty for moving on after death of my husband
I’m a woman in my 60s and my husband passed away a few years ago after a long illness. It was awful at the time because we were so in love and had built a wonderful life together.
He was my everything and we had two great children, who now have kids of their own.
I found it really hard to move on with my life – the grief was overwhelming. However, I got to a better place and gradually my life opened up again.
Over the past 18 months, I’ve been seeing a man – first as a friend and dog-walking companion – but things got more serious between us and I do have feelings for him.
Recently, he’s been talking about us sharing a home together officially and making our relationship more permanent. He sees us together for the rest of our lives.
I really like him a lot – it’s a different kind of relationship to the one I had with my husband and he’s been good for me.
However, I feel so guilty about moving on. I feel disloyal to my husband in some way, even though my kids are very positive about my new partner. What do you think?
I think it’s natural to have these feelings when you’ve had a long and happy marriage that’s ended because of illness and death.
But it’s important not to be overwhelmed by them because you’re still here with a life to live and you deserve to be happy again. I’m sure your husband would have understood this.
If this man makes you happy and you enjoy your life together, there’s absolutely nothing wrong in giving in to that. It doesn’t mean you’ll forget your husband and the life you shared – and your children and grandchildren are a wonderful legacy of your marriage.
A new relationship doesn’t mean you can’t keep your husband’s memory alive and honour anniversaries.
I’m pretty sure your husband wouldn’t want you to be alone and mourn him for the rest of your life, so you mustn’t feel guilty for moving on. And if you need reassurance, speak to your kids.
It sounds to me as if they’re happy you’ve found a lovely guy to share your life with. Good luck.
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We were so in love and built a wonderful life together