His painful truth?
Critics scorn Duke’s ‘suffering’.. but backers say he needs to talk
it is only by distancing himself from the royals and talking about his “trauma” that he is going to be able to become a good father to his two-year-old son and soon-to-be-born daughter.
For all the sense of duty we have seen from our Queen, Charles and William, their family situation has been unusual at best and dysfunctional at worst.
Among the palaces, privileges, titles, land, jewels and fortunes handed down there have been unwelcome traits too.
Harry will for ever be the son of Princess Diana, a woman who suffered from bulimia and mental health disorders and was left traumatised by her mum Frances walking out on the family to start a life with lover, Peter Shand Kydd.
Close friends said the experience left her feeling needy and fragile.
Diana was plagued with insecurities and is said to have attempted suicide. A similar pattern of marital disharmony scarred her sons. Prince Charles had an affair with Camilla Parker Bowles, now Harry’s stepmum. Diana believed it went on throughout her marriage. Harry’s parents separated in a blaze of publicity when he was just a boy and both admitted adultery on national television.
He was packed off to boarding school aged eight, Eton at 13 and joined the British Army at 19.
And since he lost his mother when he was just 12, his relationship with his father has suffered. Charles stopped taking his calls when he fled Britain and their reunion at Philip’s funeral was said to be frosty. The broken father-son bond also repeats that of the previous generation. Philip forced Charles to go to his old school, Gordonstoun, and Charles hated its toughening-up exercises, like daily runs and cold showers. During world tours, the Queen and Philip would leave Charles with nannies for months and they were so emotionally and physically distant on their return, reunions were celebrated with a peck on the cheek and handshakes. Harry now sees that some of his dad’s parenting was learned behaviour. He said: “I started to piece it tog-ether and go, ‘OK, so this is where he went to school, this is what happened, I know this about his life… I know it’s connected to his parents so that means he’s treated me the way he was treated – so how can I change that for my kids?’” That does not question the Royal Family’s service to our nation, but it does question what it is like to grow up in it.
Psychologist Dr Pam Spurr says: “A person can successfully make a break by having an emotional and physical break and not seeing their family. Sometimes that allows them to clear the slate.”
Harry has chosen to uproot, but whether he is right to share his pain publicly is a different manner. He risks turning the Royal Family into a posh episode of the Jeremy Kyle Show.
Prince Philip said in 1994: “I’ve never discussed private matters and I don’t think the Queen has either. Very few members of the family have.”
Harry is breaking the cycle. Many older Britons do not like to see people airing dirty laundry in public – but the younger generation is more forgiving.
Let’s not forget this is Mental Health Awareness Week, when people are encouraged to discuss their feelings.
However we cannot know how the Queen, Charles and William have been affected by Harry’s emotional outpourings – or whether those feelings can ever be repaired.
I’ll break the cycle of pain so I don’t pass it on
PRINCE HARRY ON HIS PARENTING EXPERIENCE