Let’s do this together

We launched the paddle board on our local river at the weekend in the sunshine thinking we’d have the place to ourselves as usual – but it was like the M1 on water.

Normally it’s just me and a few rowers and lots of pond weed, but this year, every bugger has bought one and probably the entire country’s waterways are now chock-a-block with blokes paddling around in their budgie-smugglers.

It’s not the worst view of course, but it does put you off your stroke, if like me and my friend Elaine, you’re a bit wobbly anyway. At one point, I was so busy staring behind me, I ran into a low-hanging tree and capsized.

Luckily I was wearing my life jacket, although I looked a bit daft when after a bit of splashing around, I realised I was kneeling on the bottom and when I stood up, the water only came to my knees.

I jumped out quickly as something touched my leg, and my overactive imagination always imagines it’s a shark, although I suppose that’s fairly unlikely in the River Itchen.

My shorts dried off pretty quickly as it was so hot, but The Dark Lord and Elaine’s daughter Ela, who’s another adolescent at that [stage whisper] “difficult stage”, refused to wear anything but heavy trackie bottoms, T-shirts and trainers to go paddle boarding.

First fall in the water, and they were both water-logged and could barely get out on to the riverbank. The Dark Lord was also wearing her woolly black beanie on her head, so I can only imagine her brain had boiled, which goes some way to explaining the poor clothing decisions.

But we did get one minor breakthrough on the summer footwear after I nagged her about wearing trainers all year round, and she actually asked for Crocs. Not just your classic Crocs – but huge platform ones in size eight, and in her favourite colour – black!

“Blimey – I’ve seen smaller oil tankers,” I joked, as I checked them out online. “You’ll be able to launch them on the river when they arrive.”

“You’re not funny,” she deadpanned, adding: “At least I don’t need a buoyancy aid in 2ft of water.”

Email me at siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP.