I’M STILL DEVASTATED OVER WIFE’S DEATH

Dear Coleen

In June 2018 my wife of 54 years and I decided to emigrate to Australia to live with our son and his family. It took a lot of soul searching, but we made lots of plans for our new life there.

Sadly, after we’d been there only five weeks, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I nursed her for two years before she died in September 2020 and I decided I didn’t want to stay down under, so I came back to the UK.

My problem is, I can’t remember all the great times we had – only the last two years and I’m constantly crying.

Can you help?

Coleen says

I’ve talked about this before in terms of my mother’s death. It was a good year or even two before I could remember the good times with her when she was healthy and happy.

It’s hard when you go through a prolonged illness at the end because when you think about that person the illness is all you can see for a while.

It’s only been nine months since your wife died and I can honestly say, after some more time has passed, the good memories will resurface.

It might help to get out photos and videos of the good times and remember that face and not the sick person at the end.

There’s no timeline on grief and it’s different for everyone. I felt relief initially when my mum died because she wasn’t going through the pain of Alzheimer’s, but then it hit me like a ton of bricks and I had to feel it.

But now when I think of her, I do remember those happy times when we were all younger, and it will happen for you, too.

For more help, visit cruse.org.uk.