How to re-meet your partner
Struggling to connect with your other half? You’re not alone. Life coach and relationships expert Gemma Levitas explains how you can have a fresh start, no matter how long you’ve been together
The pandemic has put pressure on relationships like never before. And it’s having an unwanted impact on our sex lives. A recent YouGov report suggested that many couples are struggling with intimacy, with one in nine saying they have become more distant since coronavirus.
So how do you start to reconnect? The answer is simple – you need to re-meet your partner. This is all about refamiliarising yourself with the person in front of you, which will replenish the trust you have in one another.
Re-meeting starts with really listening to each other.
You don’t have to agree on everything, you may be having completely different experiences right now, but by the simple act of listening, the other person feels heard and better understood.
You need to hear what your loved one is saying so you can gain insight into how they’re experiencing the world.
This is a great starting point that leads to further trust and intimacy, both building blocks for a more fulfilling sex life. Here are our tips to help you re-meet your partner.
Listen without judgment Each day, take 10 minutes away from any distractions and take turns to talk about whatever comes to mind. Start with five minutes each. Try not to react when they are talking, or attempt to fix issues. Let them speak, listen and be present. 2
Share a memory Reminisce about a romantic moment you and your partner experienced together. This is a great way to reconnect, reminding you of times of intimacy and excitement.
Do what you love Remember what you both love.
What are your shared passions? What do you both care about?
Maybe it’s a mutual interest or hobby, perhaps a shared sense of humour, maybe it’s your kids. Make time to experience the things you love together to reinforce your bond.
Organise a night in to listen to your favourite tunes or book a post-lockdown gig. Embrace nostalgia – it’s about remembering the couple you were before the humdrum of everyday life set in. 4
Work up a sweat Exercise is a grown-up form of play – it’s known to boost sex drive and couples who workout together benefit from encouraging each other in a shared goal. So bring your partner along next time you go for a run.
Or do a 15-minute high intensity interval training (HIIT) session. Reap the personal gains as you get fitter but also take pride in helping your partner improve too.
Play together Do you remember the staring game you played as a kid? When you and a friend would try to look each other in the eye for as long as possible to see who blinked first?
Try a game with your partner and see where it takes you – chances are you’ll end up giggling. 6
You are a team Don’t forget you’re a partnership and on the same team. Remind each other of this if there is an argument bubbling. Try using a special nickname to soften the moment and stop things from escalating.
If you both get used to noticing and disrupting a pattern of escalation, you can stop yourselves having a bust-up on autopilot. Take a moment to calm down.
Talk about what you wish to experience more of together as a couple. Keep it positive and share your thoughts on what you think may benefit your relationship, not what you don’t want. Avoid blame and work together.
Have a hug Touch and tenderness is the ultimate in non-verbal communication. It is vital in reinforcing trust and intimacy. A gentle caress, warm hug or relaxing massage from your partner calms the nervous system and triggers the release of feel-good chemicals.
Reach out to your partner with a gentle, loving touch.
Gemma is a transformational life coach and psychotherapist. For information, visit therapize.info
Make time to experience the things you love together so you can bond