Let’s do this together

It’s been Labour Conference week so, of course, none of the trains are running a direct service to Brighton.

I was going to the Mirror party at the conference to help delegates negotiate the free bar. You might think they’re very capable of doing that all by themselves, but after a quiet 18 months, I’d go to an opening of a crisp packet if it meant a night away from home and a full English.

Trouble is, I seem to have lost the ability to use the train network, and got totally lost on the way there, arriving long after the party had started.

Could happen to anyone, of course, but it would have helped if I hadn’t confused Farnham with Barnham, which are 32 miles apart and not even in the same county.

“Get off at Farnham and change, but stay on at Barnham,” explained the train guard patiently.

So, of course, I did the opposite. But he may as well have said change at Outer Mongolia, because I ended up taking five different trains, including two going back the way I’d come.

By the time I finally got to the bash, the deputy Labour leader had been let loose on the karaoke, and the party faithful were pogoing round the room.

Then some wag put Man, I Feel Like A Woman on the decks, and left it to Shania Twain to settle this week’s gender identity debate.

Although when you think about it, political parties could do a lot worse than use cod 90s pop tunes as the basis for forming important governmental policy.

Party over and feeling a bit bleary the next day, I managed to get home more directly – this time only four trains. Would it be too much trouble for the Labour Party to move their conference to Bournemouth so I can find my way there more easily in future?

Email me at siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP. ■