Heartbroken after seeing my fling dating another woman
Dear Coleen
I’ve been seeing a guy at work for a while. To be honest, I was amazed he took an interest in me – he’s a couple of years younger than I am and the office “hottie”.
He’s fit in every sense of the word and the sex is the best I’ve ever had. But he’s always been upfront that he doesn’t want a serious relationship and just wants to keep things light-hearted and fun. At first this didn’t bother me – I suppose I hoped he’d get to know me and love me.
About a week ago, I went to a cafe to get a takeaway coffee and he was in there with another woman, laughing and whispering, and it was obvious they were very close. It was really awkward and I left trying not to cry.
When I called him later, he admitted he’d been seeing her and that he thought it was serious.
I feel like my heart’s been ripped out and stamped on. I feel stupid, humiliated and used.
He always said he didn’t want anything serious, but it seems he just didn’t want anything serious with me.
How do I get out of this mess and move on? I feel totally heartbroken.
Coleen says
OK, at the risk of sounding harsh, you weren’t honest with him about what you really wanted.
You invested so much in him and he didn’t know it – he thought you were both on the same page and OK with some light-hearted fun.
However, of course I understand how hurt you are – you cannot help how you feel and you obviously love him a lot.
But I think saying he wasn’t looking for anything serious at the start should have been a warning that he wasn’t the right person for you.
It takes time to get over heartbreak, but you can go on to meet someone else and be happy.
The first step is to cut the cord on this relationship and don’t be talked back into bed. You want more than a casual arrangement and you’re worth more than that, so have some belief in yourself.
This guy wasn’t right for you from the start because you both wanted different things from the relationship. Now you have the chance to meet someone who can give you what you really want.
Good luck.