MY PARTNER’S KIDS WON’T ACCEPT ME

I’ve been seeing my partner for a few years, but we only moved in together recently. He has two children from his marriage, who are 11 and 14, and they’re very loyal to their mother and I think still angry about the divorce.

I met their father a year after the marriage ended, so I had nothing to do with him leaving, but the kids still resent me.

They’ve been staying with us at weekends and it hasn’t gone well – they either don’t engage with me at all and just look down at their iPads or they’re quite rude to me – the classic “You’re not my mum” has been said several times.

What do I do? I feel terrible saying this, but I can’t wait for them to go home when Sunday night comes around!

Coleen says Maybe it’s time for a family meeting now you’re living together. Sit down with them and explain that it’ll take time for you all to get used to the new situation, but it’s important you respect each other and talk about any problems. And reiterate that it’s not your intention to replace their mum, but you can have a different relationship and you want to make it work for everyone.

It’s crucial that you and your partner present his kids with a united front – he needs to show them you’re an equal partner in this arrangement. It’s really important for the pair of you to agree on how to manage the children and to stick to it. And if you disagree on anything, don’t have the discussion in front of them.

You can’t force his kids to like you, but you can be supportive, kind and fun – and if you’re consistent it should pay off.