Selfish granddaughter takes our financial help for granted
My wife and I are in our late-60s and have a daughter who had a stroke seven years ago but is doing well, and two granddaughters aged 24 and 25.
The eldest one is kind and helpful and never asks for anything.
The younger one is disrespectful, rude and thinks the world owes her a living.
She got in with the wrong crowd and was taking drugs and alcohol. It was so bad she had her six-year-old daughter taken off her, so my wife and I took her on and looked after her for 14 months, which wasn’t easy but we coped.
We had to foster her and my wife gave up a job she loved to take care of her, yet our granddaughter still treats us badly. She struggles with money (although she finds enough to buy weed), so we help her financially all the time and it’s getting too much.
My wife’s been poorly and in hospital, but still wanted to do a Christmas lunch. Everyone mucked in except for our youngest granddaughter, who sat on her phone all afternoon. She also refused to do a Covid test and has also refused vaccinations, even though my wife is poorly.
I overheard her telling her sister she’s pregnant and my wife and I are devastated as she has no partner and no money. We already support our great-granddaughter, buying her clothes, paying for swimming lessons and everything else she needs, but none of it is appreciated by her mother.
We just want to get on with our lives and not to be treated like dirt. We’re at our wits’ end and mentality and physically drained. My wife wants to leave her to get on with it.
Should we walk away and let her make her own mistakes?
Coleen says
Absolutely. You’ve helped her and her daughter so much, yet she’s still not appreciating it. The thing is, at the moment she doesn’t have to sort her life out because you and your wife are always there to pick up the pieces.
I think your wife is right – ultimately, I think it’s showing her more love by saying “no more”, so she has to take some responsibility and find a way to sort herself out. If you don’t have a safety net any more, you have to find another way. As you say, she still finds the money to buy weed and presumably to go out with her mates.
I’m all for people having choices, but to refuse a lateral flow test when she knows your wife has been ill is so incredibly selfish. I would have said no test, no Christmas lunch!
I know it’s hard, but you have to stand up to her and put yourselves first. You have to accept when it’s getting too much for you and think about your own health and wellbeing.
I think you’re at the point where your granddaughter needs to help herself.