I’M SO LONELY AND MISERABLE AT UNI

Dear Coleen

I’m a 19-year-old girl and moved away to university last year, but after several months I’m still finding it really hard to fit in.

I’d looked forward to doing this course for ages and I was very positive when I started, but I can’t seem to connect with anyone and I haven’t made any real friends.

I’ve always found it easy to fit in before and have never felt like I don’t belong until now.

It feels all wrong – I’m like a fish out of water and it’s making me absolutely miserable.

I did meet a group of people at the start of term, but they turned out not to be who I thought they were, so I’ve stopped hanging out with them.

It just feels lonely and hard, and I’m not sure what to do.

Do you have any advice?

Coleen says

I do think our environment is very important to our happiness and it’s horrible when we feel like we don’t fit in somewhere.

It’s especially confusing and disappointing for you because you were expecting so much from university life, and from the course. First of all, you’ve only done one term and sometimes it does take a while to feel at home and find your people, so I’d give it a bit longer.

I suggest you make a commitment to give it 100% over the next few weeks and then see how you feel at the end of this term.

It might take connecting with just one person or doing well in an assessment to give you more confidence and momentum.

So I wouldn’t jump ship too quickly but, equally, if you get to the end of this term and you still feel unsettled and miserable, then don’t feel bad about owning that and looking for another course or another university.

I also think it would be good to talk to the campus counsellor and a tutor you get along with to share your worries and explore some options. Good luck.