HOW DO I START REIGNITING MY LOST SEX LIFE?

Dear Coleen

My sex life swings between boring and non-existent. I’m in my thirties and married with three very young children, so life is exhausting and a constant juggle. I know deep down the passion for each other is still there, but I don’t know how to begin reigniting it.

If we do have sex, my husband is usually the one to initiate it, but it’s often a question of getting it done quickly before one of our kids wakes up, or so we can get some sleep before work the next day. I’ve completely forgotten what romance is! Can you help?

Coleen says

It’s very tough when you have young children because naturally their needs are the priority until you get through to bedtime, at which point you’re ready to collapse.

It does get easier as they get older, but in the meantime you have to prioritise your relationship sometimes or it’ll be really hard to find those feelings for each other.

There are a couple of things you should try. Firstly, foreplay can start outside the bedroom – a kiss when you pass in the kitchen, a sexy text message at lunchtime, a compliment, a cup of tea – it all sets the mood. And, OK, you may not feel like sending a sexy or romantic text when you’ve just changed a dirty nappy or dealt with a tantrum, but do it anyway.

Secondly, schedule in sex, which I know sounds very unsexy, but unless you do, the time will just slip by and you’ll have gone another day without it. Support each other so you can carve out some time together and call on friends, relatives and babysitters to help.

And talk about sex, about doing it more, about what you want from it – that can be very sexy in itself. It’s important to make the effort.