Boyfriend is down the pub while I look after our child
Dear Coleen
I’m a 28-year-old woman and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years after meeting during our first year at university. We had a daughter four years ago, which wasn’t planned, but we both adore her.
My problem is, while I’ve matured and take parenting and family life really seriously, he seems to have gone the other way and has been reliving his teenage years.
Now life is opening up again following the lockdowns, he’s at the pub a lot with his mates or stays late at work. Meaning I’m doing most of the childcare, while he gets to do all the fun stuff like playing with her and reading bedtime stories.
I feel bad complaining because I do really love him and I know he loves us, but I just wish he’d grow up a bit and take on more responsibility at home.
I’m worried our relationship is sliding into an unhealthy place and he’s just not present enough.
I can feel myself getting angry with him, which has never happened before.
How can I get him to see things from my point of view without causing a massive argument to blow up?
Coleen says
Just talk about it, but don’t go into it thinking it’s going to be an argument. Approach it calmly and make it a discussion where you listen to each other.
Try to get him to appreciate that you’re only 28 too, yet you’re being expected to stay at home a lot while he’s out with his mates or colleagues.
Compromise is the key to any healthy, long-term relationship – taking it in turns, supporting the other person and trying to find a balance that works for both of you.
Tackle it now and come up with a plan before it does slide into a place that’s hard to get out of.
It also sounds to me as if you need to have a bit more fun together and not separately, so get a babysitter whenever you can and spend quality time together.
Don’t just sit in front of the telly – cook a meal together, sit at the table – plan a romantic, sexy evening.
Do anything where you can relax, laugh and enjoy each other.
My niece and her hubby have one weekend a month when it’s just the two of them and they really look forward to it.
They have two kids and are great parents, but recognise they need that time together.
I think every couple should do that.