Cutting-edge technology every man should have

I ONCE bought a penknife for a quid in the open market at South Elmsall, a former mining village near Wakefield.

It was a stainless steel number, with three blades and a corkscrew. I still have it, usually in the bits and bobs pocket of my trusty rucksack.

Last I looked, the ironmonger’s stall had no knives. “Not worth it any more,” said the trader with a meaningful look.

But every man should have a penknife. Not for sharpening quill pens, as originally intended, but for everyday jobs like opening beer bottles and cutting string (which should be saved, just in case).

I confess to having four: my Elmsall buy; a proper Swiss knife; a smaller, Swiss-style number and a Victorinox SwissCard Lite – a remarkable toolkit of knife, screwdriver, scissors, magnifying glass, tweezers and steel pin. It also has a torch, but that stopped working long ago. All this in a three-by-two inch flat plastic case that slips easily into the tiniest pocket.

Finally, I have a key ring with a very small blade, a memento of the old TGWU that also lives in the rucksack.

Where can you buy a penknife now? Not on the hardware counter any more. With the passing of tough laws against blades, shop owners are understandably wary about having them on their shelves. But the law permits you to carry a pocket knife with a non-locking blade of up to 3ins without having to give a valid reason.

The main reason being that a chap has always had a penknife, for those little jobs that need one.

Once upon a time men carried swords (metaphorically they still do in Ulster loyalist parades, masquerading as umbrellas). Let’s keep our penknife privileges, please.