Shopping for one instead of two is hard.. I miss what could have been..
Mum’s agony at losing her little girl at 30 weeks
cember 3 Mabli was buried next to annon’s grandparents at a cemetery minutes’ walk from home. And the m says visiting the grave to talk to which she does most days, is what ps when she’s at her lowest.
The thing that gets me through it if really struggling in that moment is go visit Mabli as soon I get home,” s Rhiannon. “I talk to her about how brother is doing and if he isn’t feeling l I’ll ask her to look after him. f we are going away, we go and see before and I tell her that I wish she s coming with us, but I do find it incredibly difficult going away without her as I feel like I’m leaving her behind. I will never be able to move away from the area.”
Soon, there will be a headstone at the plot with the message, “Always and forever” on it.
“It’s what Nathan and I always said to each other whenever we’ve been apart and we’ve said it to the twins,” says Rhiannon. “I’m also planting a rose there from my grandparents’ garden soon.”
Rhiannon often imagines what Mabli’s personality would have been like.
“During the scans, she was always
active and kicking her brother in the face,” she says. “I think she would have been the mischievous one out of the two. Even though she was smaller, I think she would have always bossed her brother around.”
Rhiannon was able to briefly see her daughter after she was born, and while the family don’t have any photographs of her, she finds solace in the fact the two children looked very similar.
She adds: “When I saw them they looked very alike. I find it comforting to
look back at pictures of when Gruffydd was born, as it reminds me about what Mabli looked like.”
Rhiannon also takes Gruffydd to his sister’s grave. “We want Gruffydd to know about her and will be open when he asks questions about her,” says Rhiannon.
“I know twins have that bond where they are closely linked and I hope that in the future I can somehow see that.To me it will be comforting, a sign that she’s around and she’s looking after him.”
As well as support from family, Rhiannon and Nathan received regular counselling from a local charity called Big Moose on Zoom. They were also put in touch with Twins Trust, which supports people who have experienced loss during a multiple birth.
For Rhiannon, it’s important to take things day by day. “I don’t think you ever overcome this,” she says. “However, the thing that helps me the most is going to visit Mabli. It makes me feel close to her. I never want her to be forgotten.”
■ For support with twin loss and multiple births, see twinstrust.org