HITCHED, SO IS IT WRONG TO TAKE COLLEAGUE OUT?

Dear Coleen

I’m a married man in my 30s and want to ask you if I’d be stepping over the line by having a drink with a female colleague after work?

I get on very well with this woman – we’ve been working together for a few months – but she’s a bit younger and single, and I wouldn’t want her or anyone else to get the wrong idea.

She suggested the drink to discuss a project we’re working on together. I don’t want to be rude by saying no, but I’d love your opinion.

Coleen says

On the surface of it, it seems innocent enough – colleagues discuss work over drinks, lunch and coffee all the time. However, the fact you’ve written to me about it suggests there might be something else at play. Are you attracted to her or do you think she’s attracted to you?

Do you think there’s the potential for something other than a working relationship to develop?

If you’re questioning it and don’t want her to get the wrong idea, then why not suggest a coffee during the day or just book a meeting room and discuss things at work? It’s not rude to say you’re busy in the evenings.

Affairs in the workplace – sexual and emotional – happen all the time because we spend so much time with our colleagues. So I think if you feel you’re putting yourself in a risky situation, then just don’t go there.

You don’t have to go for a drink to discuss work when you’re in the office together all day, which makes me think she might just want to go for a drink with you!

You already have a relationship with this woman and if your gut is telling you a drink would be overstepping the line, then I think it probably is.