MY PARENTS ALWAYS FAVOUR MY SISTER

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my early 30s and my parents have always favoured my younger sister over me. When we were kids she was a bit wild and not as easy as me, so they focused on her a lot and left me to get on with it.

I’m married now with a young child and my sister has a long-term boyfriend and a baby.

Recently, I asked my parents to come on holiday with us, as they’ve never accompanied us before, although they have been away with my sister and her family. I thought it would be a good chance to spend proper time together, especially after Covid and not having many opportunities to get together.

But when I asked my parents, they said they’d already invited my sister and her boyfriend to go on holiday with them! I was flabbergasted and so hurt, and it triggered all the heartache I felt growing up. Please advise.

Coleen says

I’ve had a lot of letters over the years from people who struggle with their parents doing more for a sibling. Often, it’s down to the fact that parents take it for granted that one child is managing well, so they focus their attention on the one who needs more help, and this goes right through to adulthood.

It’s important you feel heard and I think it’s possible to tell your parents how you feel without causing an argument. It’s about how you say it.

Mention you feel disappointed and hurt over the holiday, and it’s brought up stuff from your childhood when you felt their attention was focused on your sister and you feel it still is.

Being direct and letting them know you want them to be a bigger part of your life will hopefully make them think about how they do things going forward, and be sensitive to your needs, too.

But once you’ve said it, move on and really enjoy your break with your family.