He’s jealous I don’t want to be his girlfriend exclusively

I’m a 20-year-old asexual/aromantic girl – I don’t feel sexual or romantic attraction. I’ve been seeing a guy, who’s 22, since August. I explained I didn’t want to be in a relationship and he said he was OK with this and didn’t mind if we hooked up occasionally.

So I thought all was well and we continued to see each other and sleep together and we met each other’s families. I’ve always said I don’t want to be exclusive, but it’s clear now he does and he’s jealous of anyone I talk to.

I’ve kissed people on nights out, but haven’t had sex with anyone else since being with him. He’s in love with me and I love him, but I’m not “in love” with him. Sometimes I’m so bored I wonder what I’m doing.

There have been several red flags – for example, we had unprotected sex at his request. Halfway through I asked him to put a condom on and he said there was no point, so the next day I took the morning after pill.

He said if I had a baby, I wouldn’t get a penny out of him as his family (who are millionaires) had the best lawyers around. I’m from a working-class family and the only one in my household bringing in an income, and I felt he was saying he was better than me.

I don’t want to break up with him, but could I sleep with a random person and not tell him about it? I don’t know where the boundaries are any more.

I feel I can’t truly be myself, as if I have to play being his “girlfriend” for the benefit of other people. I’d love to know your thoughts, however brutal.

I’m struggling to see why you want to stay with him to be honest, as you clearly both want very different things.

I also think that honesty is important, even if the relationship is an unconventional one.

If you don’t feel you can be honest because you’re afraid of the repercussions, then it’s not right.

He’s trying to make the relationship into something you don’t want and he’s trying to turn you into someone you’re not – it’s controlling behaviour.

The fact that he didn’t put a condom on when you asked him to do it is also extremely worrying – it’s about consent and respect.

He then tried to blame you for a potential unwanted pregnancy, threatening you and making you feel scared. I’d run a mile from this guy and not look back. You admit you’re bored and can’t be yourself, so get out.

You haven’t said anything in this letter to make me think that this guy deserves you.

But sleeping with random people and hiding it from him is certainly not the answer. Leave him and be free to do whatever you want and to sleep with whoever you want.

“He said he was OK with it but now there are red flags