HIS HATEFUL MATE SEEMS TO COME FIRST

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my partner for a few years and we have a child together. My partner has a friend, who I have a problem with. He’s never liked me and when he’s drunk he can be very rude to me.

Things hit a new low a couple of weeks back when we were at the pub for someone’s birthday.

My partner’s friend was drunk and said some horrible things to me when we were with a group of people. Instead of challenging him and telling him to apologise, my partner just made a terrible joke and the evening went on. I left early and we’ve been arguing about it since.

I’m starting to hate my partner for not seeing what a horrible person this guy is and for not standing up for me. Please advise.

Coleen says

He sounds jealous of your relationship – you’ve taken his mate away – and I’m sure he’d like nothing more than to cause a rift between you and your partner, so don’t let him do it.

However, I think you need to get tough with your partner – why won’t he stand up to this guy? And after the way this person has treated you, why does he still want to be friends with him?

Generally, it’s not a good idea to try to tell a partner who they can and can’t be friends with, but I think when someone is being openly rude and offensive then all bets are off.

So you’ve got to talk about it and help him to see how this affects you and that it’s very damaging for your relationship.

He can either talk to his friend and tell him how it’s going to be from now on or he can back away from the friendship.

In the meantime, don’t be in this guy’s company – he doesn’t have to be your friend.