Been happily married for 50 years, so why do we argue now?

Dear Coleen

“I would like to travel but she stays in her comfort zone

My wife and I are both in our early 70s and we’ve always had a very good marriage – we’ve been together nearly 50 years, which I’m sure you’ll agree is an achievement.

We have three children and four grandchildren, who make us happy, we have enough money, a nice home and good friends.

However, over the past couple of years we’ve started arguing, even though we’ve hardly ever argued in all the years we’ve been together.

My wife has become shorttempered and never wants to do anything – she prefers to be at home in her comfort zone and is happy staying local and doing the same things.

I, on the other hand, am in good health and still adventurous, and would like to travel and try new things.

Whenever I suggest something, she immediately gets angry and won’t even consider it.

We now argue over most things – from cooking the Sunday roast to household chores and gardening.

It’s getting me down, especially as we’ve had such a good life together. Is it usual to run into marital problems this late in life when you’ve had such a good marriage?

Coleen says

I think you can run into problems at any point in a marriage, depending on where you are in your life and what else is going on.

For example, couples often run into trouble when they become parents because it presents lots of new challenges. I also think that retirement can be a difficult time and maybe you and your wife have different ideas about how to experience it.

My mum was very sociable and always wanted to go out, while my dad was happy to stay at home, but it worked for them. They were happy to do their own thing as well as doing some things together.

I think you should ask your wife if there’s something worrying her and if you can help because you’ve noticed she doesn’t seem happy. Hopefully, you can open up a conversation and talk about how you see your lives panning out. Maybe she’s irritable because she feels there’s pressure to do things she doesn’t really want to.

It’s just about compromise, which I’m sure you’ve done many times. For example, if you took a holiday once a year on your own or with mates, it doesn’t have to mean the end of the world or the end of your marriage.