Let’s do this together

Using the tried and trusted system of gardening called “standing out there and staring at it long enough” just wasn’t getting my list of seasonal jobs done.

The lawn had grown a mullet and the weeds had invaded, conquering the grass and busily annexing the borders.

I was feeling heavy with guilt every time Gardeners’ Question Time came on the wireless, and then a list of autumn jobs arrived from Miracle-Gro (see below). It was time to pull on the garden gloves and get out there at the weekend. After one more cup of tea of course.

It’s not that I don’t like gardening – once I get started, I really enjoy it. But I’m a fair weather gardener at best, and my expertise really only extends to trimming, cutting and chopping, which means I’m only actually effective twice a year.

I also don’t like creepy-crawlies, spiders or rotting stuff. When I have to turn my compost, I try to do it with my eyes closed.

They say spring gardens are made in autumn, and unless I wanted mine to be a barren lunar landscape, I thought I’d better get mulching and mowing.

I dragged a couple of huge bags of mulch back from the supermarket (a lifetime first). And then got the mower and strimmer out of the shed, and gave the lawn a much-needed haircut.

Trouble is, I had to strim the long grass first, which left bald patches all over the ground. And then when I went over it with a mower, the lawn was so wet, it left great clumps of sodden grass everywhere rather than mowing it up.

What should have been a 20-minute job turned into two hours because of my total incompetence.

When I could finally see the bottom of the lawn again, I set about the dandelions. That was another two hours digging their roots out of the lawn, so now it’s just 60% weed and 20% moss. That’s a lot of work just to end up with 20% grass.

Now I’m planning my spring planting but as I have a west-facing garden, it’s tricky. The whole place is like an icy tundra until May, and then it’s an arid sun-trap.

I’ve always fancied prairie planting with hardy grasses and cacti, but I’m not sure my suburban housing estate garden is the ideal backdrop for a Wild West theme – despite it being knocked up by cowboy builders in the 1980s.

Mind you, I wouldn’t mind rounding them up and having them scalped every time I’m forced to go up a ladder into the loft just to check the boiler.

■ Email me at siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP.