Rumours about my mate make me feel so awkward

Dear Coleen

I’ve recently reconnected with an old friend who’s moved back to the area with her husband and two children. I was so pleased when she got in touch as our kids were good friends and so were we.

However, I’ve found myself in a weird situation, as the rumour doing the rounds is that this friend is having an affair with a married guy whose children also go to the school. I’m amazed she doesn’t realise all this gossip is going on because it’s literally all anyone talks about at the moment.

I’m feeling weird about our friendship now because if these rumours are true, I really hate what she’s doing.

I’m married and can’t help imagining what it’d be like for me and my kids if it was my husband she was having an affair with. I also really like her husband and don’t think he deserves this.

What should I do? Should I just distance myself from her or tell her what I know?

We’re not as close as we used to be because she moved away for a few years, so it feels awkward bringing up something so personal like this with her. What would you do?

Coleen says

I think you should tell her what you’ve heard about her without passing any judgment. Explain that people are gossiping, so you thought she ought to know and then give her the chance to tell you if it’s true or what’s really going on.

If this many people know (or think they know), then the rumour is bound to get round to her husband at some point, so telling her is a friendly thing to do in my opinion.

If she’s defensive and cuts you off, then chances are the rumours are probably true and she’s feeling guilt or shame or both. She might come clean to you and then I guess it’s up to you whether you want to remain friends with her because you become part of the lie.

I’m guessing you wouldn’t be comfortable if she asked you to keep it a secret, especially around her husband.

I think letting her know will give you peace of mind and stop you feeling awkward around her.

Also, I think it’s important to hear the truth from her. There’s a chance these are malicious rumours started by someone or several people who don’t like her and want to see her fall.

“I’m amazed she doesn’t realise about all the gossip