It’s OK to be vulnerable. I’ve had to have open conversations with my kids as my family has been through a lot
RIO FERDINAND ON HOW HE CONFRONTS MENTAL HEALTH
As a top-flight footballer in a macho world, Rio Ferdinand knew all about hiding his emotions but the TV pundit we see on our screens today is a far cry from the alpha male player who prowled the pitch as a fearless defender for Manchester United and England.
The dad-of-five, who played in three World Cups, now confronts his vulnerabilities head-on – and is keen on getting the message across to his children that it is OK to open up about mental health.
Rio, who acted as a mum and dad to three of his children after his wife Rebecca Ellison died of breast cancer at just 34, has hit amazing heights and plunged the depths of despair as he loved, lost, grieved and found love again.
And in an emotionally raw interview ahead of Mental Health Awareness Week , which starts on Monday, he says: “It’s OK to be vulnerable.
“I’ve had to have open conversations with my children, because my family has been through quite a lot. Sometimes parents come across as unbreakable. Dads can come across as a bit macho and mums as bionic women, who juggle everything.
“But if I had any advice for parents it would be that showing vulnerability in front of kids could really help them with their mental health.”
When Rio, 45, lost Rebecca in 2015 they had been together for 15 years and married for nine.
In his book Thinking Out Loud: Love, Grief and Being Mum and Dad, he opens up about the depression and suicidal thoughts that he experienced, revealing that he turned to whisky and brandy to cope with the shock. But today he is speaking as part of a McDonald’s campaign to inspire open and honest conversations about mental wellbeing within families.
The fast food giant has removed the iconic smile from millions of its Happy Meal boxes, to show kids that it’s OK not to be cheerful all the time.
McDonald’s is working with BBC Children in Need to provide families with access to a hub of resources designed to encourage candid conversations.
We need to talk as there are times when you will not be happy
RIO ON DEALING WITH UNHAPPY MOMENTS
Rio admits that, growing up on a rough council estate in Peckham, South East London, emotions were not discussed. As a child, he would be told to “cheer up” if he was down. He developed a tough exterior, which was further encouraged in the changing rooms and on the pitch when he became a footballer.
He says: “When I was growing up it was normal to sweep the topic of mental health under the carpet. I found it really hard to talk to my kids about how they were feeling, because I wasn’t used to it.
“But everyone feels vulnerable from time to time, it’s part of life. We need to encourage young people to talk, because there are moments when you’re not going to be happy. That’s life and it’s inevitable.
“Telling your kids, ‘I’ve been there, I feel sad sometimes’, can really help them. On the pitch, footballers are seen as masculine guys who don’t show our feelings or talk about mental health. But I’ve had to have conversations with my kids because of my circumstances.”
Rio met Rebecca when he was playing for West Ham. She was his rock, as he became a star. But he says if he had his time again he would remember to relax and enjoy the moment.
He confesses: “I never really enjoyed and soaked up those moments when we won the league, or the cup.
“That’s probably one of my biggest football regrets. Don’t get me wrong, we had some great nights after winning things but I never really soaked up those moments. I was always thinking, ‘What’s next?’ You’ve got to really enjoy the big moments because they fly by.” Rio married second wife Kate Wright, 29 – who found fame on reality TV show The Only Way Is Essex – in 2019. They have two children, Cree, three, and 10-month-old Shae. He already had Lorenz, 17, Tate, 15, and Tia, 12, with Rebecca.
As a couple, Rio and
Kate try to be honest and open with their kids and encourage conversation.
He says: “I’ve experienced first-hand with my own children how good communication and
When I struggle with mental health, I offload to Kate
RIO ON HOW HE COPES WITH ANY ISSUES
encouraging kids to embrace how they truly feel can build trust, and help to manage emotions – no matter how big or small.
“It’s our job as parents to empower our children to express themselves freely and to support them every step of the way in understanding that it’s OK to not be happy all the time. At times, I’ve struggled with my own mental health. I offload to Kate and to my two best men Jamie and Gavin.
“Me and Kate tend to have a debrief after you’ve had that mad hour of putting the kids to bed. I’m not afraid to talk about my feelings now I’ve left the changing rooms, which were dominated by a lot of alpha males.
“That wasn’t the environment where it was normal to do that but I’m hoping that’s changing now. Now, in the next stage of my life, I’m much more open to doing that.” Physical fitness also plays a big part in Rio’s life. Going to the gym four or five times a week helps clear his mind and sets him up for the rest of the day.
He adds: “It’s important to do something for yourself when you can. My thing is the gym but for other parents it might be reading a book or going for a walk.”
The pursuit of fitness has also taken him down some less conventional paths, for example, learning ballet as a boy, which he says improved his football skills and made him stronger, mentally and physically.
Rio adds: “I got a ballet scholarship when I was about 10 or 11 at the Royal School of Ballet in London and I did it for about four years. It was brilliant and definitely something that helped me with my football.
“It teaches you balance, strength, poise. It was a really good experience. You take any man into a ballet class and he’ll limp out. There’s not many men who could walk in there and walk out the same way. “It’s difficult. It’s seen as a very feminine practice but it takes a lot of strength, physically and mentally, as it’s tiring and taxing. Learning ballet prepared me for football.” With Euro 24 coming up, does Rio, who got 81 caps for England and was made an OBE in 2022, think the Three Lions can win it? He replies: “Definitely. They can win it. France is our only problem, and maybe Germany because they’re the host nation.
“But France are the biggest threat. We’ve got to a semi-final and a final in the last two tournaments. Winning it surely has got to be the next step.”