Let’s do this together YOUR

Starry, starry night… Don McLean’s famous song about Van Gogh was going through my head as The Dark Lord gave me a grand preview of the GCSE art project she’s been working on since what feels like the beginning of the 19th century.

Apparently there’s a lot of coursework for art GCSE and TDL was told she should expect to do five hours work a week on the subject. But expedient as always, TDL has rationalised that to about five hours a term.

Her art class has been exploring the difference between Monet and Van Gogh by painting her own pictures in their famous styles – however, it was clear from TDL’s work that she’d added her own emo touches.

Despite the fact that I got an A in my O-level, TDL prefers to treat me like an imbecile.

She explained the history of the project in her own inimitable way. “Monet’s a French impressionist who liked water lilies so much, he painted them 250 times. And the other, Van Gogh, is a Dutch bloke who painted his imagined view from his asylum, called Starry Night, where he was sent after cutting off his ear.”

“Lovely,” I said, admiring her work, which if I’m honest was a bit more fantasy gothic than I’d expected. Her version of Monet’s Water Lilies was a bleak blend of greys while the stars in Van Gogh’s looked like big white skulls rolling across the sky.

“It’s quite macabre – it’s how I imagine Tim Burton would have painted had he been alive in Paris in the late 1800s.”

“Thanks,” she said, sounding quite happy with my appraisal.

“Do you have to write it in French as well?” I asked, noticing the big scroll-like headline across the two pages that spelled “Developement.”

“What? Oh no!” she wailed, then added, “Hopefully they won’t notice.”

The other problem is that the presentation of TDL’s sketchbook is key to getting a decent pass, which is unfortunate because the battered-looking portfolio has spent so much time on her bedroom floor, it was looking really scruffy and like it was held together with barbed wire.

“You know your ring binder is broken?” I pointed out. “Those jagged metal rings will have someone’s finger off.”

“Yes I’m going to get some wire cutters and trim those,” she explained.

“But otherwise, what do you think?”

“I really appreciate that you’ve done it in your own style, but I think the point of the exam is that you need to copy the great masters’ styles – and highlight that impressionists painted what they saw while post-impressionists tended towards more symbolic work.”

“Oh my days, do I have to paint it with my own blood?” she cried, tossing her book aside.

“Well, at least it would add some colour,” I called after her as she flounced out.

TDL has gone back to the drawing board…

■ Email siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP.

Please note, if you send us photos of your grandchildren, we’ll also need permission of one of their parents to print them... Thanks! Yours, Siobhan