JESS SAYING
Jessica Boulton’s whimsical wander through the showbiz week
Monday Blues
Sob! Say it isn’t so! The great Hollywood love story that is Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s second chance of a happy ending has been coming under increasing scrutiny.
Reports emerged on Monday that the couple had been living apart – and that Ben’s ex-wife Jennifer Garner was even trying to play peacemaker, as she appreciates JLo’s steadying influence on the father of her children.
(Presumably it also takes some weight off her).
Further reports coming out of the US claim Bennifer’s problems revolve around Jen’s continued love of the limelight, while Ben would allegedly prefer to hole up in his old Batcave.
Considering she’s The JENNIFER LOPEZ, triple-threat singer, dancer and actress, with a new film Atlas just out on Netflix, a new tour and a new album... what exactly did former Batman star Ben expect when they said I do?
Affleck may have spent years in the shadows as The Dark Knight, but Jenny From the Block has always been one to shine.
So did he really think they’d become a couple of couch potatoes, bingewatching old movies in matching onesies and never walking down another red carpet (unless it was a fetching rouge rug in their lounge)? If so, I’m sorry Ben...
For after JLo’s oh-so-casual sofa selfie this week...
I don’t think that’s quite her thing.
Talk about Netflix and chilling killing it!
Tough Talk Tuesday
From one strong songstress to another...
Destiny’s Child star Kelly Rowland wasn’t playing around when an usher tried to hurry her off the red carpet in Cannes this week. The star was there for the premiere of French film Marcello Mio, only to go viral after a security guard tried to hurry her along.
Naturally Kelly had No No No time for that. And when later asked about the red-carpet face-off, she pointed the finger once again at the guard (not as literally this time).
Kelly claimed: “There were other women that attended that carpet who did not quite look like me, and they didn’t get scolded or pushed off or told to get off. I stood my ground.” And so you should have, Kelly. After all, You’re A Survivor. Keep on survivin’...
(And just like that I’m back in 2001!)
Real-ty woes Wednesday
It was D-Day for Elvis Presley’s Graceland this week – after a court case threatened to rock its very foundations.
(Fortunately, just figuratively).
The future of the Memphis mansion was all shook up after a private investment firm claimed they have the right to repossess it and auction it off to the highest bidder, following daughter Lisa Marie’s death in 2023.
Elvis’s actress granddaughter Riley Keough is fighting the company’s claims like a Hound Dog with a bone.
But on Wednesday it all came down to one local judge in a small county court to decide: should the legendary home of one of music’s biggest figures would be kept in the family... or sold off in a foreclosure sale.
The judge rather wisely went for option three: adjourn for further investigation, and hope it all goes away. (Which it may have done, if emails sent to a US publication are proved legit).
Personally it seems the judge had to make quite the impossible choice. On the one hand, it would’ve been tragic to see its occupants turfed out to a Heartbreak Hotel; outrageous to lose a piece of rock ’n’ roll history; and downright alarming to think what some big bucks investor would do with that bathroom. But...
On the other...
It would’ve made for one cracking episode of Homes Under the Hammer.
Muck out? Thursday
Talking of house moves, Katie Price has confirmed she’s finally moving out of her infamous “Mucky Mansion”.
But the model mum, who turned 46 this week, isn’t too upset about the move, sparked by her recent eviction notice.
Why? Well, because after nearly a decade at the 19-room £1.3million home, she apparently can’t wait to leave it all behind for a clean break...
That’s a clean break, as opposed to her nine-year cleaning break she took to earn the house its moniker in the first place.
For it wasn’t a comment on her potty mouth or some unusual bedroom preferences that earned the West Sussex pad the “mucky” tag.
It was the litter, grime and downright dirtiness we saw on her reality shows. From piles of clothes strewn across the floor and reports of dog mess in the house, to flood, fire damage and fly-tipping, this wannabe Barbie’s home was less Barbie Dream House, more Barbie Scream House.
Indeed, the one-time addition of a battered old sofa in the garden was so very Shameless, you’d be forgiven for thinking Frank Gallagher was her interior designer.
With all this said, now the biggest mystery of all: two-time bankrupt Katie, who owes more than £700,000 in unpaid taxes, is said to be moving into a new RENTED £3,750-a-month six-bed pad.
So given the infamy around her current bolthole, where-oh-where did she find a landlord willing to rent her their beloved home?
My guess? Here...
The one person who has been quite literally living under a rock.
Friday flip-out
What do Superman, Spider-Man, Wonder Woman and, erm, Fergie have in common?
Well, apparently they are all determined to save the world. Except while the superheroes are fighting bad guys with nefarious plans in capes, Fergie’s fighting unruly celebs in a £13,200 gown.
Yes, a clip emerged on Friday showing the Duchess getting angry at A-listers chatting during an art auction she was hosting for charity amfAR in Cannes.
“Stop, stop stop,” she scolded the noisy room. “All of you are saying ‘I want to go, because where is the next party?’”
What followed next appeared to be some kind of sudden existential crisis...
“But what I want to say is ‘why are we here’?” she adds.
“What is the future?
“And why are we not making our planet better for the youth of tomorrow?”
It’s a bit of a jump from “please be quiet and stop talking”, to “why are you killing the planet”.
But not as much of a leap as making yourself the face of eco-champions everywhere... When your ex-turnedflatmate spouts more toxic hot air than a factory furness.