Fear over cousin cuddles with my bisexual hubby

Dear Coleen,

I HAVE an odd problem. My husband’s distant cousin came to live with us after his parents died and he was left orphaned.

He’s 18, so not a child. He’s a beautiful boy but he’s petulant and complains when we ask him to do his share of chores. I gather from my husband that he was mollycoddled as a child.

My problem is that he seems very clingy to my husband.

He’s a bit girlie and a drama queen too, so the slightest thing that upsets him he will cling on to my husband and try to hold his hand and so on.

On a couple of occasions he has even climbed into our bed after a nightmare and the other day I found him on the sofa cuddling up to my husband, who was reading a book.

And here’s the next problem: I have long known my husband is bisexual but I have never had anything to fear – until now. I’m really concerned that his cousin’s lack of boundaries will drive him over the edge.

At 45 my husband is much older than his cousin and I’m 35. I’m not really sure what to do. Can you help?

Coleen says..

YOUR husband’s cousin’s behaviour is clearly inappropriate.

He’s vulnerable and has a lot of issues around the loss of his parents to work through. At 18, it’s also possible he’s discovering his own sexuality and recognises a kindred spirit in your husband.

What you have to get through to your husband is that you don’t want to push his cousin away, but you need to put boundaries in place which are being crossed.

Whatever he’s been through, there’s no way an 18-year-old lad should be climbing into your bed at night looking for comfort.

Be honest with your husband about your fears – that you’re worried his cousin’s need for physical closeness will spill over into something else.

Family counselling sessions might be a good idea. Visit the British Association of Counselling & Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk).

You should also sit down with his cousin and explain that some of his behaviour isn’t appropriate.

Tell him your bedroom is out of bounds for a start and let him know that if he stays in your house, he must live by your rules.