He left after our son discovered his affair

Dear Coleen,

MY HUSBAND and I have been married for 20 years.

I found out three months ago that he has been having an affair for the past four years. My 18-year-old son had to tell me.

He is friends with this other woman’s daughter and the two of them had been watching their parents for years, trying to catch them out.

My son hates his father now and refuses to speak to him. I think my husband could be bipolar because he has a lot of anger issues, depression and can sleep at any time during the day.

He didn’t realise the woman he’s involved with is an abusive alcoholic until he moved in with her. I am trying to help my son through all of this and stay sane myself. Any advice?

Coleen says..

YOUR husband has not only let you down – he’s let his son down badly, too. Naturally, your son will hate him because he’s hurting.

If your husband does have depression, that’s something he has to deal with. He chose to walk out on you. Your hubby hasn’t won the golden ticket but he’s made his bed and now he has to lie in it.

Explain to your son that while what his dad did was hurtful, you are fine. You also need to reassure him that you both love him as much as ever and, if it comes to divorce, you’ll make sure it affects his life as little as possible.

The lesson your son can learn is not to be like his dad. Try to keep any discussions or arguments around the separation away from your son.