A wee cough is what I get for taking week off

Me: You sure you dodon’t on’t need to pee? Body: Nope Me: SURE?? Body: Positive Me: OK let’s go sleep *5 minutes* Body: OMG u not gonna a believe this. Everything is really, really good!! Zumba

Smiley pictures ures Sample Tweet: Well thatt was a hot one! Incredible class – loveove the moves you put to the music! Energized!nergized! I’M just back from a week away in SpSpain and I must say it’s simply mamarvellous to get away, isn’t it?

I always come back from a break feefeeling fresh as a daisy, recharged and reaready to take on the world.

II’m lying of course, I usually return a tottotal shell of my former self.

II’m currently struck down with the vilevilest of colds. Before you start thinking I wwas away on a mad yin, I was with my mumum, who has also been blighted with the lurgy.

It’sI funny, no matter how many times I fallfa ill on holiday, it always catches me by surprise when it happens.

II’ve had tonsillitis in Tenerife, nausea in NNew York, leprosy in Lanzarote – sorsorry, that last one was a lie for allialliteration purposes but the first two haphappened, I swear.

TThe majority of holidays leave me feefeeling worse off but it’s like I’m brabrainwashed into thinking that a break wilwill do me good and more often than nonot, the opposite occurs.

II’ve been wondering whwhy this happens and it’s ineinevitable when you conconsider what you put youyourself through.

Travelling:T Coughing + sneezings + shared air supsupply for hours on end = disdisease. It’s bad enough whwhen folk cough on a bus in youry vicinity but at lealeast you can crack a winwindow.

TThe plane is like an airairtight box of germs in whwhich each passenger’s secsecond-hand oxygen will eventually papass through your respiratory system at onone point or another.

CCall me paranoid but I’m starting to thithink the airlines have a secret, sinister deadeal with the pharmacies to pump virviruses into the air supply.

HHave you ever seen a native in a SpSpanish chemist? Me neither. It’s always us lot lurking up and down the cold and flu aisles spanking half our holiday cascashola on bottles of Night Nurse.

Diet:D The crash diet you participated in thet week before your hols seemed

Hopefully a steady intake of mojitos will save you from developing scurvy

like a good idea at the time but now your poor immune system has been compromised before you’ve even touched down on foreign soil.

And let’s face it, there’s usually very few nutrients to be had thereafter.

You may picture yourself eating the local seafood for dinner and salads for lunch, you may even keep that up for the first day but you will ultimately fall into a toastie, Cornetto, Pringle vortex only to emerge on the other side with a series of severe vitamin deficiencies.

Hopefully a steady intake of mojitos will save you from developing scurvy.

Alcohol: If the circulated air and the poor diet hasn’t got you already, the constant bevvying will. We justify our day drinking by claiming to be all continental but ordering a bottle of rose with your toastie isn’t the same.

We also forget that as well as ordering wine with lunch, the Spanish tend to order water along with it – and drink it, too. We gave up the pretence of water a few days in. They sip and nibble and chat.

We gulp and wolf and don’t lift our heads until every last morsel and globule has been hoovered up.

What they talk about, I do not know. Who has that much stuff to say?

And how can they just take a small bite of something then put it back down?

Futhermore, on holiday the acceptable drinking time seems to get earlier and earlier and before you realise it, aperitifs before breakfast become the norm.