Coleen says

FIRST of all, I think you need to stop worrying about your sister and comparing yourself to her. Perhaps trying too hard to compete with her is partly why you’re coming across like this.

Also, if you’re actually quite an anxious person inside, then the way you behave sounds more like bravado to cover up your anxiety rather than confidence or arrogance. When people say you’re confident or even intimidating, why not admit that you’re actually quite an anxious person? Let them see the real you.

However, I think if people have been honest enough to tell you this, then it doesn’t do any harm to listen and think about it. And I think it’s particularly relevant in a work situation – why not take it on board and try to work on it?

Checking yourself before you say something doesn’t necessarily have to be a negative thing. Just think to yourself, “Am I saying this in the right way”, or “How could I say this non-aggressively?.”

This doesn’t mean you can’t say how you feel – it’s more about saying it in the right way. How you say something is just as crucial as what you say.