HOTEL WHERE THE OTHER HALF LIVE
.. and how EU migrants on the minimum wage cater to royalty and celebs’ every whim
because their bank account has 16 zeros and they don’t care about money.
“Some people are rich and some people are poor. What can you do?”
The guests may have incomes like telephone numbers but it does not make them nice people. The few who appear on camera come across like spoiled adult babies, ready to burst into tears because their cashmere blankets are the wrong colour.
One chap, lying on his bed in a bathrobe, says being in an environment packed with non-judgmental folk who are there to address his every whim is “intoxicating”. Another reveals that, although he knows the staff are paid to remember his name and bring him more towels, “it still makes me feel good”.
A female guest admits she goes to hotels like the Mandarin Oriental because she doesn’t want to have to think of anything. She just wants to arrive and have a glass of champagne in her hand before she even realised she wanted one.
Despite being a regular visitor, the princess with the childproofed nursery and the lorry load of luggage swans out of the hotel without paying her bill. Last year it took the accounts department nine months to get their money.
The staff inhabit a different world. Aga, the Polish breakfast manager, is up at 4.30am to cycle to central London. She chains up to a railing – the hotel car park has room for abandoned Maseratis but no bike rack.
Aga has not only taught herself English but mastered the art of small talk. Round the breakfast room she prowls, discussing the weather, shopping and the best shows in the West End. While watching out for a misplaced flower or unswept crumb.
Hotel staff are all diplomats but Darvin Edwards is the Ban Ki-moon of the parking bay. A champion high jumper who represented St Lucia at the London Olympics, he opens doors, welcomes guests and helps with luggage.
It is his job to persuade guests not to leave their supercars in front of the hotel. This is not easy. These people send brand-new clothes, with the tags on, to be dry cleaned. Parking tickets are nothing to them.
It’s not as if he is asking them to pay and display. The hotel has an underground car park and Darvin will personally drive their car round to it and see it safely stowed away. This is a perk of his job. McLarens, he confirms, are “uncomfortable”. He prefers a Rolls or a Bentley. A Very British Hotel is a snapshot of the contemporary London economy and how it works. How EU migrants deliver what they proudly call “the quintessentially British luxury experience” to visitors from all over the world. And then spend nine months getting them to foot the bill. ● A Very British Hotel, Channel 4, 9pm. TV PREVIEWS SEE PAGE 37