Dear Coleen

BROTHER’S THREAT OVER HIS EX

I’VE lived with my brother all my life and for the past three years his girlfriend lived with us, too. He recently split up with her and he’s now put me in a very difficult position. He’s seeing another girl and doesn’t want his ex to find out, as it would hurt her that he’s moved on so quickly while she’s still struggling with the break-up.

He’s even said that if I tell his ex about his new girl, he’ll throw me out. It really hurts me that he’d go this far to ensure his ex doesn’t find out. What should I do? I’m really good friends with his ex and I hate having to keep this a secret from her every time I see her. he’s not telling her because he knows she’ll be devastated. And although he’s moved on quickly, he probably doesn’t know how serious this new relationship will be. Whatever his reasons are, you have to respect them. She’s an ex and he doesn’t owe her an explanation.

Part of the sadness of relationships breaking up is that other people around the couple also “lose” people they’ve grown very fond of. If you want to stay friends with his ex, I think you just have to make it clear to her that you’re not going to get involved.

So if you’re meeting up on a regular basis, explain that you’re her friend but you don’t want to be a go between, so you don’t want her to ask questions about her brother and you won’t be discussing it with him either.